Taming Your Tongue

Sigh......If you know like I know, taming your tongue can be a very challenging thing to do. However, as believers we know that more often then not, well, we need to slap our trap!

This can be particularly difficult because as people, particularly women, we love to talk. We are opinionated and we live in a culture that encourages us to express our opinion, gossip, and quarrel. We watch shows that are centered around women talking to each other and about each other. It is our source of entertainment.

When someone crosses us, it is almost natural to  retort back, however, usually it does not solve the problem. It takes an incredible amount of humility to hold your tongue, which many of us don't yet possess.

When we are in need of a vent session, we often open allow all sorts of reckless statements to fly out of our mouth, not paying attention to the type of life that we speak into situations.

Then there are the infamous gossip sessions, sometimes disguised as girls nights, that at some point in our lives we have participated in, whether intentionally, or unintentionally. Even if you are just listening to gossip, you are a participant.

So how do we control all of this? How do we balance these issues? How do we know when to speak and when to shut up?

First, let's take a look at what the bible says about this issue. There are a ton of scriptures on taming the tongue, but I am just going to highlight a few.

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1
I think we would be better off if we intentionally chose kinder words. We may really feel entitled to tell someone off, but what does it actually solve? You feel better? Who cares about feelings? Do we ever think that people might be more apt to listen to us if our words are kinder and if we spoke up less? Have you ever met someone that has something to say about everything? After a while, you just tune them out! When you say something, try to be kind, and make sure it is worth saying.

If you claim to be religious but don't control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless. James 1:26
This scripture really got me. Basically your Christianity does not mean a hill of beans if you cannot control your tongue. It actually makes sense. As believers we are supposed to act and respond differently- set an example. Sometimes you are going to slip up, and that is ok, but if you have reckless mouth all the time, you may want to work on that.


And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water?  James 3:11
Our words should be kind, uplifting, inspiring, positive, and clean. At least the majority of the time. If half the time you gossip, put down people, curse, and speak negativity, you are confusing people. You may even be confusing yourself.


The heart of the godly thinks carefully before speaking; the mouth of the wicked overflow with evil words. Proverbs 15:28
Think before you speak! If we actually take the time to choose our words and how we say them, we might avoid a lot of problems. How many times have you said something, but later on you regretted your choice of words or your tone of voice?

There are several more scriptures on taming the tongue. My favorite happen to all come out of the book of Proverbs and the book of James. The bible actually equates those who can't control their tongues to fools. I don't want to be a fool all of my life. I want to be wise! Don't you?

There are several practical ways you can start:

Avoid potential situations to gossip. If you know your coworkers gossip at lunch, just stay away.

Write positive scriptures down. Instead of avoiding negative things to say, intentionally speak positive affirmations. This really helps me because sometimes when I am going through things, I automatically resort to the worst-case scenarios, and this is a great way to help me avoid speaking life into these made up scenarios in my head.

Everyone needs to vent sometimes. However, if you want to vent everyday, at the same time, about the same thing, that might be a bit much. Sometimes just talking to God helps, cast your cares on him. Perhaps you can journal. I talk to him just like I talk to my girlfriends.

Make your girls nights positive. Sometimes my friends and I decide on specific, positive topics to engage in over a glass of wine, and I promise you it is just as fun!

Every time someone crosses us, we do not need to bite back. Learn how to pick and choose battles.  It takes a lot of pride to just be quiet. This probably takes the most work. Sometimes you can address the situation at a later time when you are less heated. Many times if we choose to address it later, we calm down and decide it does not deserve our attention at all!

How many times do we blow God's big plan for us because we cannot stop flapping our gums? Some information is only meant to be kept between you and God. He will let you know when to share and how to share, if he wants you to share at all. Remember, there is a time, place, and season for everything!

Now I know we are all works in progress. I know God is graceful. I know that it doesn't take all of that to get to heaven, but I want to be intentional about working on my character. The same way we are intentional about going to work for someone else everyday, we can be that serious about working on ourselves. I want to be the woman that God called me to be, and I think he desires for us to be wise, classy, and have self-control.

B :)